yellow fever

i've spent the better part of the last few days either misspeaking obvious words (dublin instead of belfast) or finding myself completely incapable of thinking of the simplest words (yesterday i actually said 'what's that word? opposite of cold?').

i'm not even allergic to pollen, but i'm blaming pollen. apparently, a high pollen count is traditionally in the 120+ range, but down here it's been over 5,000 for the last two days. it's like nature peed all over my car, and her pee makes most of my friends really sick.

a scene

PETER, ROBIN, BECKY and BROOKE are wandering through a parking deck.

ROBIN: Are you sure we're on this floor?

PETER: I reckon we're one lower.

PETER, ROBIN, BECKY and BROOKE file in the tiny elevator and go down a floor. PETER hits the panic button on his key chain, causing a car horn somewhere in the vicinity to blare.

PETER: Where's that coming from?

ROBIN: I think it's coming from where we just were.

PETER, ROBIN, BECKY and BROOKE once again file in the tiny elevator and go up a floor. PETER hits the panic button on his key chain again, causing a car horn somewhere in the vicinity to once again blare.

PETER: Where is that noise coming from? I thought it was coming from right here.

ROBIN: Hit it again.

PETER sounds car horn several times. After an incredibly long 30 seconds, a random guy sitting in a car a level below them yells:

RANDOM GUY: IT'S COMING FROM DOWN HERE!

PETER: Where?

RANDOM GUY: IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR.

PETER: Thanks.

RANDOM GUY: NO PROBLEM.

let's go fly a kite ... or not

i think i am pretty much in love with spring. i'm sitting in a coffee shop not working on an article, and across the street there is a whole lot of hipster kite-flyin' going on.

we never flew kites when i was a kid, partially because our backyard had too many trees and partially because we lived in the country and had to make our own fun, fun which usually entailed locking my sister in her room and telling her she was adopted (the two days she actually believed this were some of the best ever).

when i got to college, i bought an x-men kite in hopes of flying it in the myers quad. the only problem with this plan is kite flying is apparently difficult for people who locked their sisters in their rooms and told them they were adopted.

does a font by any other name look as sweet?

i recently learned of a haiku contest. the subject is fonts (helvetica, specifically), and those who know me can understand the enthusiasm with which i approach the project. here are my first three attempts:

stocky and homely
your curves are nonexistent
like girls at thirteen

you are a default
i change you to futura
but you haunt me still

i shot the serif
im sorry times new roman
you slept with my wife

i know the last one isnt really about helvetica, but it might be my favorite so far. there are some pretty good ones up on the contest's site. check it out.

also, i met two of my heroes this weekend.

meeks' diary

my friend helen's dog meeks has a blog, and a few weeks ago i was a guest poster. here is what he spoke through me:

Dear Diary:

My heart has been shaken to its core. Mommy left last week. She didn't tell me where she was going, or why she was leaving, or even if she'd be back. At first I thought we were going to the park, but when we pulled into Camp Woof, i knew one of two option were afoot: abandonment or paw painting, and there was no paint in sight.

The last time I had an extended stay at Camp Woof, I had trouble finding my niche. The collies just glared at me judgmentally, the poodles were too busy sniffing their butts to be bothered, and I kept waking up with a shifty Labrador glaring at my through the bars. he whispered something about making me his bitch, but i'm a boy! that's not possible!

After the first few hours of counting the tiles on the ceiling (it got repetitive, as I can only count to three), I tried to pass the time in more productive ways. my attempts at knitting were pathetic, because you need thumbs for that, and i couldn't work on my upcoming line of baby rattles, because that requires thumbs too. evolution is not a king mistress, especially to an up-and-coming rattle designer with paws instead of hands.

I was left with thoughts of suicide and the searing knowledge that mommy was a bitch. i wish i had tear ducts.

Edit: Mommy just came to pick me up! ohmygodilovehersomuchwhywasiupsetagain?

picture time!

remember that time we all met at the yarn store in watkinsville to honor a soon-to-be-mother, academic and 'lost' theorist? i took some pictures. they's on the flickr. does anyone have a link to jen's picture's from this event?

don't let the ides get you down.

are we at walley world yet?

this guy puts clark griswold to shame.

(kottke)